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Jul 15, 2009

GROWING PAINS

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I miss Mackenzie.

He's my son. He's going to be 13 on Dec. 13. He was born on Friday the 13th.

Figures.

I miss him, not only because he's in Alberta with his grandparents - who I am eternally indebted to, but that's another story - on summer holidays, but also because he's growing up so fast.

For those of you who don't have kids, the latter statement probably sounds like something your parents told you while you rolled your eyes and exhaled noisily.

For those of you who do have kids - you know what I mean.

One second you're cradling this tiny life form in your arms, the only they have and depend on is you, and then you blink and your beautiful baby has long shaggy hair, is only home to eat or play video games (in his room, with the door closed, in the dark) and you're lucky to get a text message letting you know he's OK, which looks something like this: momz im @ devins b bk @ 6 wts 4 sups? lolz.

Sigh.

It was at Mackenzie's Grade 7 graduation ceremony - yes, my child is entering high school in the fall, also another story - that just how independent he is hit me.

His teacher, who was incredible, was talking about what a great kids he is and just how much he's grown during the past year - and, you know, he was so right. I watched from the back of the room as my son - who recently used hair-removal cream to get rid of a prepubescent mustache - walked across the stage to pick up his school crest as his class cheered and shouted his name.

I even heard a girl shout: "I love you, Mackenzie!"

Shudder.

Then, there was a slideshow, with photos set to music of Mackenzie and his classmates during the past year.

Low in my chair in the back of the darkened room, I had a good cry.

It was a side of my son that I'd never seen: Him laughing, goofing off with friends, working on class projects and having a blast at Eagle Bay, the end-of-year class trip.

He is his own person. His own thoughts, dreams and quirky humour. Words cannot describe what a wonderfully unique, teen-aged individual he's turned into.

When I wasn't looking, it became time for me to let him down from my arms, be there for him always, but let him do it on his own terms.

Now, if only I could let go.